You are a good God who blesses us with little things when we need pick ups. We have been dying to take a vacation, turn off our phones, be together and you had Lauren Day email me offering her cabin to us. Never in my wildest would I have thought you would do that. But, you knew what we needed and you knew we needed to do it on a budget and you gave us this weekend away from the busy city life. We are so thankful for that.
And so Devin is off riding with his friends- we/he is so blessed to have good guy friends who will drive down to go for a ride with him. I am sitting in the cabin alone with you, writing because sometimes that's the best way I can talk to you. It's nice to be alone with you- I am getting to where I need that. I've prayed for that- for the desire to be near to you more and more.
Thank you for what you have done for us. How you have provided for us. How you take care of us. For the peace we have in knowing you do have a plan.
Lord, I am still stressed and worried about school. I feel pretty strongly that you have other plans for 2011 than me going to nursing school. Man, when I prayed for you to take the desire away if it wasn't right, I never expected it to be so night and day. I don't want to force school. I want to be available for when you want to use me. But Lord, with everything going on at work- the politics, the constant changing, the issue with me looking up my Dad's MRI results and possibly losing my job, it's sickening. If they let me stay, I don't want to stay. But I don't want to be fired either. I never thought I was that kind of person- to get fired, but I am the worst of the worst...how can I sit here and say you know my heart and know I am not someone to do that when I did it! Please forgive me.
Lord I so desire something new. Change. This cabin and the country life...I adore it. I so desire a home we can invite tons of people to. Somewhere to show love, and I don't feel like I have that in our oddly shaped apartment packed to the gills. Lord, send us a home. Send us new jobs. I am desperate for something new. Show me what you want to do with me this next year.
Change my heart from a heart of bitterness and selfishness to an open heart filled with compassion and love for people. So often my hearing keeps me from doing that...because of me, not because I cannot hear. Lord use that. Forgive me for the way I talk about the amazing in laws you have blessed me with. Change me Lord.
So for this weekend, I pray for renewal, for relaxation, for preparation for the holidays. Most of all, I pray that Devin and I will grow closer to you and to each other in spending time together.
So grateful for your love.
